blood and love
by bloodluva666
Summary: SUMMARY: Freddy has a crush that seems to be killing him. cutting, confrontations. well, it sucks but I tried. F/S C/S
1. blood and worries

**blood and love**

SUMMARY: Freddy has a crush that seems to be killing him. cutting, confrontations. well, it sucks but I tried. F/S C/S

A/N: I was looking for some Freddy/Spencer fics and there was 3. but only 1 was about Freddy and Spencer and even then it was barely even a thing. good reading though. so tell me what u think. flames are welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own icarly or any of it's characters.

1. **blood and worries**

A slight sting.

That's all he felt as he watched the sink swallow the red

liquid streaming from his wrists.

Freddy Bensen had been cutting ever since he realized he had a crush on Spencer Shay. Carly had always been on his mind, in his dreams, it was Carly that starred as his flame. But now, he was seeing flaws in the gorgeous brown haired girl: like how she pays more attention to Sam than to others, or how she does this really gay thing with her head whenever she's mad, something that he had always found cute.

Spencer was a guy! He shouldn't be on my mind! When Freddy had first started noticing Spencer more, he thought it was just the lighting in Carly's apartment, then he realized it wasn't the lighting because Spencer seemed to have his own light.

Freddy slid the razor across his wrist again, deeper this time, making his blood run faster, the sting turning into a slight burn. Painful but worth it. He needed to punish himself, Spencer is older, much more (though acted much less) mature than himself. There was no way that Spencer would ever give him the time of day.

He was wearing long sleeve shirts more than he usually did. It made him upset because noone even noticed, not even when when Sam beat on him, and he flinched while she grabbed his wrist, they just thought he was scared.

His mother was knocking on the bathroom door now, he washed his wrists and pulls his shirt sleeves down.

Recently now, he had been staying home, only leaving his place for school and icarly, but hardly leaving his room. His mother now finally has what she wants, Freddy staying home with her, friendless, but now all she seems to be is worried.

**please review.**


	2. thoughts and revealings

**blood and love**

SUMMARY: Freddy has a crush that seems to be killing him. cutting, confrontations. well, it sucks but I tried. F/S C/S

DISCLAIMER: I do not own icarly or any of it's characters.

2. **thoughts and revealing**

Freddy finished his homework, feeling really stressed, dying to go to the bathroom and make himself bleed until he passed out, but he had to go over to Carly's place, they were shooting icarly. He sighed, put his homework away and made his way over to Carlys. He walked in without knocking, as usual, and stopped short when he saw Spencer Standing in the living room, looking right at him with those eyes that seemed to always go right through him.

Freddy's breath caught in his throat and he felt his vision narrow, until all he saw was Spencer, who was smiling and now talking, " Hey, Fred-o, what's up? Carly and Sam are upstairs."

Freddy was too dazed to take in the meaning of the words at first, just savoring the sound as it seemed to vibrate through his whole body. The look on Spencer's face changed to confusion as he said, " Freddy, are you alright?"

Freddy blinked, now realizing he had to answer, " I-uh, yeah i'm fine, Spencer, icarly.... bye." He made his way, rather grudgingly up the stairs, smacking himself for sounding so stupid. Walking into the studio room, he watches Sam and Carly as they do a last minute practice.

"Okay, icarly in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1." They did their show about french people dicovering Spencers spaghetti tacos. Noone even noticed Spencer as he snuck in throught the back to watch them. Freddy felt better as he said, " aaannd we're clear! Great show guys." Freddy began thinking about his chances on seeing Spencer as he left when Sam grabbed his wrist making him flinch. Looking up at Sam, Freddy said " What?"

"Why do you leave immediately right after every show now, and we never see you at rehearsals, and Carly says you never visit her anymore. What gives?" Sam had asked him this, Sam who hates him, this can't be good.

He didn't answer her, already knowing that he was gonna be hit whether he answered or not. He saw the fist go out and felt it connect with his face, he staggered back and just as he regained his balance Sam was on him, hitting him and he started thrashing, making his sleeves to pull up.

"HOLD IT!!" Carly yelled, Sam stopped as Carly walked over to the still thrashing Freddy and helping him up. She then reached for his hand, and pulled his sleeve back revealing the deep gashes. Both girls gasped as Freddy dropped his head, unable to look either of them in the eye.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Freddy chanced a look up at his friends' faces to see Sam wide eyed and stunned while Carly had tears running down her face. He sighed as Carly said, " Freddy,.....why did you do this?"

Not really knowing what to say, he just told the truth, " I fell in love with your brother. I know I don't stand a chance, so I cut to help me forget."

Looking up again he saw that the tears had stopped, and now Carly's facial expression matched Sams.

**not really looking good for Freddy. lol. review.**


	3. confessions and revelations

**blood and love**

SUMMARY: Freddy has a crush that seems to be killing him. cutting, confrontations. well, it sucks but I tried. F/S C/S

DISCLAIMER: I do not own icarly or any of it's characters.

**3. confessions and revelations**

He flinched as pain made it's way from both cheeks throughout his body as Sam and Carly stepped back lowering their hands they just used on Freddy's face at the same time. Freddy put his tech-stuff (what else would you call it?) away and turned to go.

"Hold on Freddy," Carly said as he was half way to the door, " You don't have to go, we-"

" YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS FREDDY! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU DID THAT?! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF!" Sam yelled at the top of her lungs.

Freddy felt a wetness in his eyes but was too ashamed to care as he reached up and wiped at the tears.

Carly looked at him, "explain."

Plain. Simple. But so hard! Freddy thought over how he had fallen for Spencer and soon felt nothing but what Spencer made him feel, how cutting was a release from that. That by feeling even a slight sting was feeling enough to last for a little while. Watching the blood ooze from his skin while he pretends its his feelings for Spencer leaking out making room for his other feelings to return. How can he put all this into words so that they can understand? He looked up at his friends that were still looking at him. "As far back as I can remember, I have loved you Carly, but then I decided that I needed more guy friendsand Spencer stepped into that role. I honestly don't know how it happened but soon, my feelings for you left and then Spencer filled my heart. He's so much older than me though, and I know that there is no way that he could ever be interested in me, so whenever I cut It helps me to forget that i'm not loved by him." He looked at Carly who still looked stunned and then turned to Sam as she frowned and said,

"But if you cut to forget that Spencer doesn't love you like you love him, why didn't you cut when Carly didn't return your feelings?"

"Because I thought that I had an eventual chance with Carly, with Spencer however, I know it's impossible." Sam looked mad now, Freddy wasn't sure why until she started yelling again,

"WELL, I GUESS THAT I SHOULD JUST GIVE UP THEN!!"

Carly looked hurt making Freddy even more confused, "give up on what Sam?" Freddy asked.

"ON YOU EVER LIKING ME! YOU LIKED CARLY, SO I THOUGHT WHATEVER, SOON HE'LL REALIZE HOW I FEEL AND MAYBE HE WILL FEEL THE SAM WAY, BUT NOW I FING OUT YOUR _GAY_! HOW CAN I COMPETE WITH THAT?!" Sam looked so frustrated, Freddy didn't know what to say, and Carly look like she was about to cry. Sam noticed this too, Freddy guessed this because she then said, " what's the matter Carles?"

Carly smiled a little shakily at Sam then looked at Freddy and said in a small voice, " I kinda know what you mean Freddy, but i don't and won't cut myself."

"Your in love with Spencer too?" Freddy asked looking confused as Sam watched thinking, huh?

"No, i'm not in love with Spencer, but I do love someone who doesn't love me back." Carly said still quietly.

"Who?" Sam asked, obviously Carly never told her who it was, Freddy listened in curiously.

Turning her whole body toward Sam, Carly gave her an awkward smile and said almost inaudibly, "you."

Sam's jaw dropped and she looked like she was gonna faint, but she seemed strong enough to have an inner debate that she was no doubt having. It was silent for about ten minutes with only the sounds of their breathing to break the silence. " I've never really thought about you like that Carly, but I guess if you'll give me sometime I could get used to it." Sam finally said, then went silent for a moment, made her way over to where Carly was standing, leaned in and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. She pulled away, smiled at Carly and then was pulled by Carly rather feircely in for another kiss that seemed to be more passionate and probably would have blown something up.

After they broke their kissing, they smiled over at him and Carly said, "see Freddy, it may seem impossible but it's not! the least you can do is tell Spencer how you feel!"

Freddy looked at them, now in eachother's arms and sighed as he answered, "no, i can't tell him, I don't want to bother him with a thing he will no doubt find wrong."

**REGULAR POV**

Then they all broke into a fight about how Freddy should tell Spencer his feelings. They were all too wrapped up in their argument they didn't notice the stunned Spencer in the corner.

**I hope Spencer doesn't send Freddy over the edge. please review. there is a theoretical cookie in it 4 u.**


	4. doubts and truth

**blood and love**

SUMMARY: Freddy has a crush that seems to be killing him. cutting, confrontations. well, it sucks but I tried. F/S C/S

DISCLAIMER: I do not own icarly or any of it's characters.

**4. doubts and truth**

Eventually Carly and Sam realized that it was a lost cause, trying to get Freddy to tell Spencer his feelings and Sam got hungry (yes shocking, I know.) After getting Freddy to promise not to leave until they got back and talked, they went down stairs.

Freddy sighed and looked down at his wrists, he bagan to trace the scars that were near, under, and around the new gashes. The next thing Freddy knew, he wasn't the only one tracing the the scars, looking up he saw Spencer starring intently at his wrists. When did he get up here? He's touching me! It feels _GREAT_! Freddy starred at Spencer, deciding on how the best way to ask him what he was doing when Spencer said, " why didn't you tell me Freddy? This wouldn't have happened if you had told me."

Now he felt confused, what did he mean by that? If I had told him, he would have told him that he was too young, how would being turned down prevent him from cutting? Freddy looked up at Spencer and said, "what do you mean?"

Spencer looked from Freddy's wrists to his eyes, stepped towards him and kissed him. At first, Freddy allowed himself to get lost in the kiss, massaging his tongue over Spencers just as he had imagined doing so many times! Then a thought occured to him, making him (grudgingly) break the kiss.

"Spencer, I....I don't want you to think that you have to do this just because you feel bad for causing my cutting." Freddy looked down at the ground, feeling tears welling up in his eyes threatening to spill over. Spencer looked down at Freddy's bowed head and said sounding confused, hurt, amused, and passionately truthful, "Freddy, i'm not doing this because I feel guilty. I'm doing this because I love you, I have loved you for so long now, but I never told you because I thought that you still loved Carly and also, I didn't think you would love me back.

Of course Freddy refused to believe this, it was too good to be true. It had to be, Spencer was supposed to tell him he was too young, not that he loved him. As he was mentally contemplating this, Spencer took him into his arms. Freddy rested his head against Spencer's chest and sighed not really believing that this was happening.

"I do love you Freddy. Even if you don't belive me." Spencer whispered into Freddy's ear, he then lifted one of Freddy's wrists and kissed every gash and scar, and then repeated the process with the other.

Freddy looked up at him, still doubtful but said, "I love you too Spencer. I just think that this is still from guilt." Spencer sighed, it will take a little while, but Freddy would know soon enough that Spencer was his and his alone.

He decided to start by kissing Freddy senseless, both of them ignoring the smileing girls in the door way.

**THE END**

**I'm not that big of a fan of how I wrote and ended this, but I couldn't think of anything else to write. *please feel free to diagree with me* thanks for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it.**


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